Email To Ulisses:
When I first heard that song I cried my eyes out and had to change the channel. It obviously has no affect on you. I just don’t understand you. How can you be so happy when every day is so unbearable for me? Every day there are numerous things that remind me of you. There is no easy way for me to just cut you out like you’ve done me. The more time goes by the more I realize that you don’t care about what’s going on. I just want to know that this hurts you just as much as it does me because you loved me, but I’m learning the hard way that you’re unaffected. I feel like I lost everything and it only hurts me more that you are so glad to be done with me. “Enjoying single life” what does that even mean? What that says to me is that you’re probably going out with friends, going out on dates, partying and actually going places. I cried all night when you said you were going to Maryland (10 hours away) for a convention because your friends were going to be there. You would have never done that for me because it would have been too much money, you wouldn’t want to take off from work, you wouldn’t want to sit in the car for that long. That hurts so much. I don’t enjoy being told that your friends are worth driving places for. That your friends are worth renting a car for. That your friends are worth doing things with. Because all that says to me is that you care more about them then you have ever cared about me. If you were so sick of me why weren’t you the brave one? Why do I have to hurt so bad and you get to enjoy life? You never wanted to before, why is now any different? Because I weighed you down? Why didn’t you want me? Why wasn’t I good enough to make you want to be with me, to give up anything because it was nothing compared to when we were together? Did you ever even truly love me? Why don’t you cry yourself to sleep like I do? Why am I not on your mind? Why aren’t you heartbroken like  I am? God, Uli I loved you so much!! I honestly cannot believe that our relationship ended because you didn’t want to go anywhere, enjoy our life together, be an actual boyfriend to me, try new things, get off the computer…we could have had so much, could have been happy if you valued me, if you valued us and our relationship, our future. You either clearly have no idea how much you’ve fucked me up or you don’t care. I’m destroyed. Utterly and completely destroyed. And you bounce right back like 5 years didn’t get flushed down the toilet while I’m at the bottom sitting in it.